Used Car Seats – Pretty in Pink

When we started to talk to folks about Everything Borrowed, many of them said, “Great – we are dying to get rid of this old car seat – do you want it?” Michelle’s mom even went out a bought a beautiful car seat from a local garage sale for just $10. This seemed like it was going to be one of the easier items to borrow, right? Not necessarily.

Just like used breast pumps, there are numerous safety issues with used car seats. Many safety organizations do not recommend buying used car seats at garage sales, on line, or from people you don’t know well. Alas, the first time in 60+ years Michelle's mom's bargain shopping didn't pan out...

So, we needed to figure out what the safety issues were and how to make sure the one we borrowed would be safe for our son - and not too too girly - we know, surprising from such progressive parents. It's just been hard enough that everyone thinks he's a girl in utero (and no, that doesn't mean Michelle developed a big ass during pregnancy - it just means she's carrying "a little wide").

We found a great online checklist by CPSafety, a collection of moms/certified child passenger safety technicians and instructors in Central Indiana that appears to go over the major safety concerns around used car seats, including:

- The age of the seat (many car seats are not recommended for use after 5 years)
- The history of seat (many car seats are not recommended for use after a moderate or severe car accident – some even after a minor accident)
- Whether it’s been recalled (the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration has an up to date searchable database about recalled car seats and car seat parts)
- The quality of the seat (many car seats are not recommended for use if there are cracks, bends, rust, frayed parts or other damages)

Via CPSafety we learned about The National Child Passenger Safety Certification Training Program, which certifies individuals as child passenger safety technicians and instructors. Even though (back to gender stereotyping) Danny is 200% positive he knows what he's doing and "can install a car seat, I-have-my-PhD-you-know," it’s recommended to have a technician take a look at your car seat and make sure it’s installed properly. Although some hospitals, police stations and fire departments can also provide these services, we found a searchable data base of official child safety seat inspection stations.

Finally, we found a host of other online resources that might come in handy very soon, including:

Safe Kids USA - a nationwide network of organizations working to prevent unintentional childhood injury, the leading cause of death and disability for children ages 1 to 14. They have some great resources including a quick guide to car seat safety for 0-12 months, numerous fact sheets and resources on car seats, boosters and seat belts and a searchable database of Child Safety Seat Check-Up Events

Healthy Children – a website of The American Academy of Pediatrics that has a nice overview of basic car seat safety

The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration’s child seat recall list as well as links on how to register your car seat with the manufacturer to stay informed about new recalls and safety issues. Manufacturers are required to notify all registered owners by first class mail if their child restraint is included in a recall.

So, what did we learn? We learned that the car seat that Michelle's mom bought at the garage sale was over 10 years old and probably not safe to use even if we did know the previous owner. We also found out that a few of the seats our friends wanted to lend us were also too old, too beat up, or missing key parts.

We finally settled on a lovely - and pink - 1-year old Graco car seat that has not been recalled and have it stored in a secret location until the birthing day.

Used Breast Pumps - Milking Michelle

As a vegan who enjoys explaining to people how cows (left to their own devices) don't need to be milked and we're the only species that drinks other animals' milk after weening, Michelle was a little apprehensive about introducing any type of dairy pumping mechanism into our lives. Luckily her apprehension about having to give up her 8+ hours of sleep every night for a year - and Danny wanting to help with night feedings - got her thinking that maybe being milked by an electronic device is not all that bad.

Plus, both of us are VERY committed to breastfeeding (there are some rumors that Danny's brothers - both Harvard grads - were breastfed for 2.5 years...and his mom is not a hippie). Regardless, there are still numerous benefits to breastfeeding exclusively for 6 months and then continuing along with other food at least up to a year, so we're going to try to do it.

Plus, Michelle had a lot of food intolerances as a baby (including cow and goat milk, soy and sugars), and it seems like one of the most basic ways to “go simple” when it comes to raising a child without unnecessary purchases is to feed'em with what nature gave us.

So why even talk about breast pumps?

A few reasons:

Number 1, as we mentioned above, we would like to have Danny involved in the feeding and nourishment of the baby. Not only from a general bonding standpoint (we’re going to ignore the concept of male lactation for the moment – but check out this article by Jared Diamond, professor, scientist and author of Guns, Germs and Steel), but also from a practical and useful perspective. If Michelle is able to pump, Danny can do some middle of the night feedings; and he can take the baby on a walk and have a food supply on hand.

Number 2, same goes for the grandparents-to-be and other friends and family (and maybe caregivers down the line).

Number 3, breast pumps can be useful to help facilitate regular breastfeeding or to enable a baby to have better access to breast milk. Breast pumps can be used to stimulate lactation for women with low milk supply or to relieve engorgement (which is not only painful, but can prevent proper latching on). If a baby is having trouble latching, pumping can facilitate break milk consumption via a bottle. Having a supply of breast milk on hand and a baby that can take a bottle is also useful if a mom needs to take medication that affects breast milk (in which case she can “pump and dump” to keep up her supply) or has a temporary low supply (possibly due to medication, dehydration, etc ).

Number 4, things may change and if a bottle isn’t introduced early enough, some babies won’t take one (or will only take one after hours of crying...). The timing of when to introduce a bottle seems to vary from between 4-6 weeks or 8-10 weeks, but the general consensus seems to be 1-2 weeks before a period of separation (like returning to work) is needed and ideally not before 2 weeks but sooner than 2.5 months or so is best.

So, now that we’ve established that pumping may very well be useful – when/if/how to acquire a used pump or borrow a pump?

In most cases, for at least the first few weeks, a pump is not needed, so we don't think it's necessary to have one on hand before the baby arrives. If milk production becomes an issue and pumping is recommended a rental pump can quickly be acquired. In many ways this is ideal as it would enable us to check out a brand or two before making a larger commitment (and this way our midwives won't look at us with that look - "the best pump is your baby").

But should a pump be borrowed? What are the health and financial implications of used pumps?

Basically, there are closed system pumps (hospital grade) and open system pumps (regular purchase) and, to avoid the accidental transmission on HIV, Hepatitis and Cytomegalovirus, only closed system/hospital grade pumps are safe to borrow/rent/share.

Hospital grade pumps in New York rent for about $70-$80/month or $180-$210 for 3 months plus the purchase of the necessary accessories ($45-60) and regular (open system) pumps cost between $35 (manual) and $350 (automatic). Medela (a favorite of a lot of people – especially the Classic and the Lectina) has an interactive website to search for rental agents in your neighborhood.

That said, if someone (like us) is interested in pumping for up to a year, it doesn’t make a lot of economic sense to rent a hospital grade pump and borrowing them is hard (we don’t know anyone who owns one that isn’t a rental agent). Therefore, if we need it, it might make sense to buy a used hospital grade pump (hard to trust its condition and where it came from), or to (yikes!) buy a new one and then resell it after we’re done.

A quick glance at Froogle indicates that there are quite a few used Medela hospital grade pumps out there for about $300 each – (and a few Ameda Elite, but these are not on the FDA approved list) so we think we’ll probably just hang tight - see what happens when the little guy comes out - and know that we can buy one if/when the time comes.

We’ll keep you posted.

Meanwhile – a few resources:

According to the Food and Drug Administration:
“You should never buy a used breast pump or share a breast pump.
Only FDA cleared, hospital-grade pumps should be used by more than one person. With the exception of hospital-grade pumps, the FDA considers breast pumps single-use devices. That means that a breast pump should only be used by one woman because there is no way to guarantee the pump can be cleaned and disinfected between uses by different women.

The money you may save by buying a used pump is not worth the health risks to you or your baby. Breast pumps that are reused by different mothers can carry infectious diseases, such as HIV or hepatitis.

Buying a used breast pump or sharing a breast pump may be a violation of the manufacturer’s warranty and you may not be able to get help from the manufacturer if you have a problem with the pump.”

Here is a great overview of the health issues around used breast pumps, as well as a list of FDA approved breast pumps for multiple users and statements by various hospital grade pump producers on used breast pumps.

In addition, here is the consumer reports report on pumps in general, a great review of various breast pumps, and an overview of hospital grade pumps.

Getting Ready for Baby - Bringing him home on the subway?

Now that we’re just a few weeks away from our baby’s birthing day, it’s time to get serious about the list – and identify the 5 or so most important things we really need in order to take our little one home from the hospital and take care of him for the first few weeks or so.

We think the short list is a car seat (we're still looking into this - but apparently it's quite frowned upon - though not illegal - to bring your newborn home on the subway or in a cab without a car seat), new born cloth diapers and diaper covers, a few outfits and receiving blankets and possibly a breast pump.

Lucky for us, our sister-in-law has already set aside enough new born outfits and receiving blankets (hand me downs from our three year old nephew) to get us through the first few days without having to do laundry; and we’re using a diaper service (commercial plug: for friends and family without hand me downs to lend – you can gift our baby-to-be a week’s worth of diapers for $30) that will start delivery right after the baby arrives, so that just leaves the hard stuff. The hard stuff because there’s safety issues involved in each of them.

Check out the next two posts as we explore used breast pumps - aka Milking Michelle and used car seats - aka Pretty in Pink.

Reactions from Friends and Family

Well, now that the secret is out - we've gotten a lot of funny reactions from folks:

"What a great idea - it's kind of like no impact man - are you guys trying to get a book deal?"

"Are you sure we're related?" - from a highly fashionable cousin

"You're so EARTHY!" - from a less fashionable cousin

"But what do I get you - I don't have kids!?!"

I think our favorite so far was a picture of a great example of how borrowing/re-using items can be quite beautiful and amazing. Here is a picture of a little girl named Chloe on her first birthday and our cousin Marilyn, her grandma, 61 years earlier, both wearing the same dress. So cute!

Everything Borrowed Video

Coming Out to Friends and Family

In addition to being insecure first-time parents, we're also a bit insecure about this whole experiment. Will we fail? Is failing buying wipes (we hadn't even thought about wipes until this weekend)? Is failing deciding after three months that we need to go to Buy Buy Baby (please no!)? Is failing forgetting that this is just a process (like parenting!) where we'll try our best and see what happens?

Or, is failing making all of our friends and family totally hate us for forcing them to participate? Because, you know, some of them will be completely annoyed and some just won't get it.

Truth is, we're already a bit annoying. We had a potluck vegetarian (practically vegan) potluck picnic wedding. We make people take off their shoes (even really cute boots) when they come into our apartment. We met, got engaged, moved in together, all in less than a year; and then got pregnant right after the wedding - all the while joking that we're still "getting to know each other" - our poor parents...

As for our friends, we sincerely hope they will love this idea because either 1) they'll get to unload some old baby stuff they've been meaning to get rid of or 2) they'll realize they are completely off the hook and won't get us anything!

But for our parents, it's bigger. We're asking the grandparents-to-be NOT to buy our little guy ANYTHING new - not to impulse buy the "cutest little snow suit ever" 70% off at Janie and Jack, not to troll Amazon for reprints of their favorite children's books, not to do what is their God given right as grandparents - shower this kid with all of the junk, and plastic products from China, and battery operated toys that they never bought for us!

And worse, ask their friends to do the same.

The grandparents-to-be - we're afraid they might suffer. At least, at first, they'll feel denied.

So, much like the baby name discussions and the wedding planning, we'll talk to them. We'll tell them our ideas, we'll listen to their objections, and then we'll all move on. They will step up (as best they can), they will complain to their friends (we expect nothing less), and in the end, it will work out great. It will be fun. More than fun - it will be really cool.

All that energy they would have spent "buying" might be spent writing little notes, putting together a scrapbook, or babysitting. All that money saved might be put in a college fund, or used to travel to us and spend the weekend in New York City. And all that stuff that would have cluttered our apartment, will just leave more space for hosting family dinners, overnight visitors, and grand-baby #2!

The Registry

We're now 10 weeks away from our due date. 10 weeks away from walking into our apartment with another member of the family, who will need nourishment, shelter and clothing. When we think about the real basics of what a newborn needs - it can't be that much.

I hope to breastfeed, and to be full time parenting for at least the first few months. My husband will be winding down the school year, and we hope my mother and sister-in-law will be around to help with the cooking and cleaning those first few weeks. We hope to be very supported by our extended family and we hope our little guy will feel safe and secure and will be healthy and content.

So, what more do we need?

Originally we thought, my breasts, diapers, a few outfits, and maybe a sling.

But then we realized that maybe a first aid kit, a nursing pillow, someplace to lay the kid down to sleep (a drawer seemed fine at first, but the grandparents to be didn't "come to this country and work so hard to have their first grandchild sleep in a drawer"), a sun hat, and a few receiving blankets for swaddling would be a good idea.

And while we were thinking about it - a few pairs of socks, bedding, and a car seat would be smart(we were pretty sure that we needed one to take him home from the hospital - we weren't sure we'd be up for taking the subway).

And then at that point our friends starting chiming in about their favorite, must-have baby products - a glider chair, a hooded towel, a baby bathtub, an automatic rocking swing, a bathing suit, a second and third sling in case we didn't like the first one, footed pajamas, burping cloths, a diaper pad.

Well, these things weren't necessary. For sure they weren't. But they did seem useful and since we were borrowing them anyway, why not make our lives a little easier and our baby that much more comfortable?

At this point we thought back to our rather amorphous motivations. Simply put, we want to attempt to raise our child for one year with 100% borrowed items. Our motivations are many fold yet vague - wanting to tread more lightly on the planet, to save energy, to waste less, to consume less, to build connections with other new parents, to take up less storage space.

We know there is a line between borrowing a really nice baby blanket, and borrowing 4 kinds of strollers; but where is that line? Where do we want to draw it? And who are we as first time parents with a crazy experiment in mind to think that we can?

What about the sweaters my 92-year old grandma is sewing (should we make an exception for handmade items)? Or a few nursing bras for me (they are technically for me, not the baby?) What about baby books? We love books and know that reading to a child is very important, but wouldn't it be better to just go to the library than buy a bunch of used books? And that would take up less space, too.

And what about cloth vs. disposable diapers? And diaper service vs. washing in the apartment basement? What about trying to raise a diaper free baby?

Back again to our motivations. To challenge ourselves. To approach parenthood with a bit more awareness and a lot more humility.

This is an experiment. In many ways, we just have to see where things go. See what kind of parents we are, what kind of kid we have, where we feel is best to draw the line in the sand, and then move it. And then move it again.

For the time being, here is the list.

And here's a little how to on how to create an "alternative gift registry"